Thursday, August 18, 2005

Gender Gap

The woman in the picture is Maria Callas, the greatest soprano of all time. She is La Divina in my heart. I have already bought at least 10 CDs of her operas and recitals, and downloaded even more.

Soon after I changed my MSN messenger display picture to this, I got several messages from my friends.

From girls: "Wow, what a big diamond!"

From guys: "Wow, who is this pretty girl?"

What did you see?

Thursday, August 11, 2005

Pan Gu

In the paper we were discussing today, there was a gene called Pan Gu.

The boss asked:"Is that a Chinese thing?"

We told him:"Yes. It is a Chinese god. In Chinese myth, he basically created this world. You see the world before him was like an egg. No heaven, no earth, no nothing. Then he was born. He cut the egg in half with an axe. The upper part was light and it floated up to form the heaven. The lower part was heavy, so it dropped down to become the earth."

He thought about this for a second and said:"I wonder if he's going to incoorperate this into the textbooks, along with the Intellectual Design."

Of course, he had been reading TIME.

Friday, August 05, 2005

The Metamorphosis

"Lei, come out here real quick!!"

Simon's head appeared through the half-opened lab door.

"There's a bat in the hallway!!!"

My utterly bored brain needed no more invitation.

Holy Macaroni! There was indeed a bat in the hallway! And a huge one! It flew back and forth across the hallway as if looking for an exit. Sometimes it would investigate the vents on the ceiling for a while until it came to the conclusion that they ain't no exits. The only legitimate exits were the two doors at each end of the hallway. But they were tightly shut. That's why it couldn't get out. But how the hell did it get in?

Linda heard our excited cries, opened the door to see what was going on, saw the bat, let out a little cry, shut the door immediately, and looked on through the door window.

Even my boss came out to see what the fuss was.

"How did it get in?" he said, "I don't want to be bitten by this thing."

Then he showed us why he was the boss and we weren't. He carefully walked to one end of the hallway, avoiding the flying bat on his way, and opened the exit door, which led to the stairway.

"Come on," he shouted to the bat,"This is your way out. Get out!"

But the bat seemed to enjoy the attention it had obtained from us. It slowed down its speed, as if to say:"No rush, man! Let me play a little." Then it flew straight toward the open door. But just when it almost got out, it suddenly made a U turn and dashed directly toward us. Thus the hallway was filled with our cries:

Simon:"Lei! Look out! It's coming at you!"

Me:"No, it's coming at you! Duck!"

Boss:"Don't let it bite you! It looks crazy! Might have rabies!"

Linda:"Gosh! It's still there??"

Seeing that we couldn't come up with any imaginative offense or defense to get it out, it quickly lost its interest to terrorize us. It studied our posters on the wall a little bit but found our research on fruit flies wasn't particularly useful to increase its preying skills or decrease fruit flies' escaping skills. Then it circled around a vent on the ceiling for a few more times before it decided to fly out of the door and disappear into the stairway.

Back in the lab, we were still excited by this special treat. When we were trying to figure out how it got into the hallway, Peng entered. He was surprised to see us all gathering together.

"What's the matter? Is this a lab meeting?"

The boss said:"Where were you? You missed the bat!"

I pointed out my theory:"He might be that bat."

The boss snapped:"Ah-ha! That explains everything! You disappeared when the bat showed up and you showed up when the bat disappeared! Have you been bitten by a bat recently? Do you feel alright? Have you turned into a vampire? Do you have a black cape hiding under your bench?"

Peng, not expecting this, was speechless for about 4 seconds. Then his face changed to show that his feelings were hurt.

"What are you talking about? Of course I am not a vampire!" he said,

"I am Batman!"